Monday, July 31, 2006

Give me Vegetables

I can't claim to know the first thing about farming and fruit & vegetable growing, but I do know that whatever it is they're doing to my precious greens, it leaves them with little to no taste.
Note to the source: I don't care if the apple is not round or shiny enough, ok? I want it to taste like a fresh, juicy, succulent apple. I don't care if the lettuce is not in a sealed bag and, I want it to be of a deep green color, and I'll deal with the bugs, thank you.
Why don't they have open air markets in every neighbourhood of every US city? Why must we purchase fake vegetables in a grocery store?
I really miss Evropa.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Would you rather.... with the complications of trying to figure out your insurance coverage (what am I, an accountant?) and trying to remember everyone's information , not to mention watching Dental Assistants mess up the calculations and explain everything to you as if you understand...

...Or wait 2 months to see a doctor through the socialized health system?

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Eternal Bookathon

The next best thing to being a book lover is being married to one.
We enter a thrift store expecting to purchase a certain item, and leave with an armful of books. Time to kill in the City? We head to The Strand and voila', another armful.
And what books! The older and the odder, the better (a 1946 edition on copywriting? Extremely important to have around! The 'Last Time When' almanac, 1982? Must buy).
We will soon own a monster library. And he collects dictionaries, it really doesn't get any better for moi the word lover.
I married him for his books.
All right, all right, he's cute, too.

Monday, July 24, 2006

Guide to product freshness

When shipped directly from the source, newly acquired wives tend to harbor certain preconceived notions about origins of edible species, their wherewithals and other existential dilemmas. If you happen to face such issues, there is no need to call support and demand your warranty ! Simply, be a tourguide into the joys of modern food industry for a day - it's fun for you and your mate-to-be-till-the-end-of-days.

1. Belief number one - regarding fruit and vegetables that very honestly say "fresh" on the pricesticker. This belief will manifest itself as a strong lack of desire to purchase said good on times like Motzei Shabbos. Potential consumer may say something to the tune of "but they are from Friday". Good News : if they are from Friday, it's probably Friday the 13th in 2004. In the old country, of course, peaches and apricots were flown in daily by a specially designated Cessna, to meet their distinguished consumers. Nowadays, it is more likely that this very peach was harvested in Georgia a good two or three months ago and left to ripen in the box, thus the twenty-six hour period does not really make them much "less fresh"

2. Belief number two - To Be Continued

Dishwashing and the Male Species

Man and woman are created equal, which is why women know exactly how to tackle a sink full of dishes, while men can't figure out where the faucet is. Never fear, The Guide is here.

If, like me, you happen to have a very helpful husband, you might want to read along and see what to expect on the short journey from clumsy-guy to Perfect HouseHusband.

Episode #1: Man locates plate. Man turns on cold water. Man runs plate under water and places wet plate in cabinet.

Intervention: Woman pours dishwashing liquid on to sponge, and hands sponge to Man.

Episode #2: Man accepts sponge. Man holds sponge in right hand, then takes spoon in left and proceeds to rub spoon on dormant sponge.

Intervention: Woman shows man how to rub sponge on utensil, and not viceversa.

Episode #3: Man rinses soapy spoon, and places it in drawer (possible inquiry as to nature of utensil- meat or dairy?).

Intervention: Woman removes wet spoon, and puts it on sparkling new Drying Rack.

Man will learn in no time at all.
Do try this at home, it's actually quite funny and I now have a very handy and helpful Hubby.

And there was much rejoicing

This day, Day Twentie Fourth of July, Year 2006, for reasons unbeknownst we decided to shine upon the Internets the Word which is better than everyone else's.