Thursday, September 28, 2006

Public Service Advisory

How to steal women's handbags:

Ladies rooms in public places such as movie theatres provide a nifty contraption called a hook. This hook is located on the inner side of the stall door. It is usually conveniently placed up high, close to the top of the door and the large gap between door and ceiling.
Women will usually enter the stall, hang their bags on the hook, and proceed to take care of business.

Need I say more?

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Silent Night

You wake at 3:00 AM. You stumble into the WC sans glasses, knowing you'll only be a few seconds. You're at your most vulnerable when a little dark mouse panickingly streaks past you. A mouse! Your unbespectacled eyesight is terrible, but you know that what you have seen is the first post-marriage mouse ever. For 3 months, you haven't spotted anything larger than a miniscule roach, and you thought you had landed the only rodent-free apartment building in Brooklyn.

So there you are, standing on the toilet lid (after having torn down the paper holder in the scramble), watching the mouse as it runs from wall to wall. You open the door, hoping it will leave. No such luck. The little rodent hides behind a black plastic bag. You hurredly put yourself together, then leap out the door and slam it behind you, even though there's enough room under the door for the mouse to pass under.

You tiptoe into the room and peek at Mad Hatter.
"You up?" You ask, fully aware of the fact that the door slam has woken him.
"Hmm?"..."There's a mouse in the bathroom!" You kindly inform him.
Poor husband gets up, ready to catch the mouse with his bare hands.
He returns after a minute or two. "It's not there anymore".

You apologize, and try to go back to sleep. But sleep eludes you, as you worry about having a mouse in the house. The antibiotics are probably keeping you awake, as well.
Then comes the rain, pounding on the AC, and after 90 minutes of sleepless agony you grab your laptop, move to the dining room table, and do some online work.

6:00 AM and all is quite on the Eastern front.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Chicken !

I have landed meself the one of the best cooks within a 20,000 mile radius. I promise that once TOIP becomes reality (Taste Over IP, for the uninitiated) I will share with you bits of this sumptuos delectability that I'll freeze in a cryochamber. For now, just think of tarragon and roasted vegetables risotto with an ideally roasted hen in a cabernet-infused batter.

Oh, shut up already...

What's all the hype over Tom Cruise's baby? She's healthy, she has an odd name, next.
I'm far more interested in real people like Natascha Kampusch, who will be interviewed on Austrian TV this evening...
(Is there no word for 'interview' in Deutsch)?