The Man I Married

Is awesome.

Now you know.

Snakes on the Plane

I truly can not fathom, why on Earth would someone not want to witness that masterpiece ! Was it something I did ?

Sleep

I've long had a hate-hate relationship with sleep, shuteye, slumber, sommeil. It's been attributed to the nerves which run in my father's side of the family. Nerves= staying alert= caffeine buzz= tense muscles= tense brain= OMG it's already 7 AM it's SO LATE!

I don't really have a caffeine buzz anymore. I've cut down to ONE ESPRESSO A DAY. One Espresso! And to think I used to overdose on coffee like Africa was going out of business. I'm also careful not to have anything that contains caffeine after 5 or 6 PM.

It's a family curse, though I do have siblings that manage to snore their way through an entire morning WITHOUT FEELING GUILTY ABOUT IT.

My father wakes up at 5:30, my mother at 6:00. In camp, school and later in apartments, I was always the first one up. Countless hours were spent waiting for everyone else to catch up with me, after I had showered, cleaned the kitchen, finished 2 books and conquered a country.

I go to bed hoping to 'sleep in' the next morning, but it never happens. I refuse to touch sleeping pills. I did try them the summer I was 17, but they were probably placebos.
I don't sleep much, so the little slumber I get is PRECIOUS. Disturbers are roasted and eaten alive.

Because my nerves are always alert and at attention, I have a hard time FALLING ASLEEP. I can't sleep if there is light, noise, a faucet drip, a thick pillow, or if someone is whispering in India.
I wake up when people walk in. My body tenses and won't let go until the people walk out. Allow another 45 minutes for sleep to set in once again.

This sleep ordeal of mine is hard on other people. My poor husband must endure my biweekly whining: 'Could you PLEASE get up when your alarm rings? I automatically get up and out of bed and cannot fall asleep again while you continue to snore contently for another hour. LIFE IS NOT FAIR!'
It's not his fault. It's those frail nerves of mine.

Non-existent patterns

On the screen - "WTC" By Oliver Stone
In the news - "Authorities foiled 9/11-style plot to destroy ten civilian airplanes with liquid exposives"

On the screen - "Snakes on the Plane"
In the news - "Fighter jets escorted a diverted London-to-Washington, DC, flight to Boston's Logan airport on Wednesday after a distraught passenger apparently pulled out a screwdriver, matches, Vaseline and a note referencing al-Qaida"

There can't be a pattern here.

The Manhattan Zoo, AKA the DMV

I derived much satisfaction from the scene observed at the 34th St. DMV: people of all colors, social scenes, moral and religious creeds forced to stand in line, or sit on a wooden bench waiting for the right number to flash across the billboard.
Even to *gasp* sit at a school desk and mark little letters with real pencils.
Which begs the question: do politicos and celebrities do their own DMV'ing?

Baker or not ...

... but she is a surprisingly good shot. I wouldn't want to be on the other side of trenches. Now I'm have to get some body armor.

The Descent

Don't-go-to-see-it.
Never-pay-attention-to-reviews.
Always-trust-your-wife's-instincts.

A Baker she is not

I will never make it into the Baker's Society. Try as I might, my efforts will never again yield anything quite as good as those white cookies I sold to my brother's friends the summer I was 11.
I manage quite well on the stovetop, but unter-ventures have so far produced rock hard focaccia, flat Challah and rubbery cookies (I did get the Challah right one week...)
My talented sister's baking skills are sorely missed.

Does your wife ...

... thank you full heartedly even when your concoction du jour sucks ?
... do heaps of laundry three times her own size, rain or shine, at risk of being bitten by a particularly rabid neighbor ?
... INSIST on doing the dishes ?
... keep kitchen surgically spotless in spite that 98% of mess is of your creation ?
... look beautiful one hundred percent of the time ?

Does Your Husband...

...cook for you delicious beef or lamb based dinners?
...complete with fried mushrooms which he knows you adore?
...and a nice red Tuscan wine?
...often?

Duped

What they don't tell you when you're about to rent a top floor apartment in an old Brooklyn building: very, very hot. Very bad idea. Tar roof= heat. Apartment= oven.

The heat turns out to be unbearable, forcing you to leave the A/C on all day long, and blow a fuse. Of course, as a practical couple you only have one working A/C, so you are limited to the bedroom. Could have rented a studio!
Oh, I'm not complaining; another A/C would translate as a higher bill of course. I just wish we knew about the whole roof=heat situation before laying down the deposit.